Of late, I can literally stare into space and think about nothing. I almost always FEEL NOTHING. I am so heavy on the “sitaki stress mimi” .. and I’m scared of this phase.I don’t care about shit. Niko tu. Did I also mention that I am tired of praying about the same old issues over and over again. So I’m basically chilling and letting life happen. Funny thing is… I am low-key scared. REAAAALLY SCARED INFACT.!! So let’s just say, my ‘I don’t give a damn’ phase is getting out of hand. For suuure.
Y’all know the pain of praying over an issue for days on end.. let alone years. All that fasting and trusting in God. And in the end, stuff still don’t seem to work out or align? Disappointments tupuuu💔. How do y’all manage to keep up the faith while waiting… because… mi nachoka kabisaaa. Sometimes I really wish I’d see God face to face… just to ask Him…FATHER, HOW DESPERATE MUST YOUR CHILDREN GET FOR YOU TO HELP THEM OUT? HOW DESPERATE???😢😢
I read the Bible.. sometimes. Safer to say, I was an ardent Bible student. Things changed, I won’t even lie. Life happened. I still read the word… but I must admit.. my passionometer for Bible study right now would be at 2% and I ain’t kidding😢. I am not at all any proud of this.. But the least imma do is be honest.
So DEAR GOD,
Where were you when that doctor who served faithfully in her field, contracted the Corona Virus and died so fast, leaving behind a young family? Where were you when the raging floods swallowed up the two innocent kids from the village trying to fetch water for their sick and blind grandmother? Where were you when that 67 year old drunkard repeatedly molested that 7 year old girl leaving behind scars that no amount of therapy can heal?😢 Where were you Yahweh?
Where were you when my Pastor lost his only daughter, and watched his wife get gang raped on their way to view their deceased daughter’s grave yard? Where were you my God? Where were you when my friend back in high school lost both parents within the span of one year to Hypertension and Cancer? Where were you?
Where were you when my friend from uni lost both parents all at once on the same weekend? I mean, why did you allow that? I remember receiving the news that the dad had died on the spot and that the mum was in ICU. I remember how we stayed up all night. How we begged you to at least spare her life because she was all my friend had left. I was sure she would be okay. I was sure you would answer us now that the dad was gone. Because…an ALL-LOVING Father cannot possibly allow so much pain on just a single weekend. I remember how we woke up to the news that the mum hadn’t made it. IT BROKE US. Still breaks my heart to date🥺😢. Don’t you have the power to change situations, even raise up the dead? Is not your GRACE AS MIGHTY NOW AS WHEN ANCIENT ISRAEL FELT IT’S POWER?
Where were you when every member of the same family got diagnosed with terminal illness all at once? Where were you? You tell us to call upon Your Name in times of need. And that there is power in that Holy name. You promise to be an ever present help. You say your word is TRUTH. So Abba Father, why do you remain conspicuously silent when your children need you the most?
I understand that the Christian walk is filled with challenges meant to test and refine us for our new Home. But it beats the point if these same “challenges” become too much and make us lose the tiny little faith we had left🤧🥺. God where were you when my classmate experienced so much pain, he decided to end his own life🥺? My heart aches and I am left wondering, how much more hopeless can it get ay papi🤮?
I know You’ve said in your word that those who trust in you shall enjoy your goodness in the land of the living. Then why do your children, who constantly call upon your name, have is soo rough, the heathen laugh and jest about it? I thought that the children of an All-Powerful King should experience unlimited joy, peace and blessings! So help me understand Daddy. Where do you disappear to when we are drowning in despair, anxiety and total hopelessness? Machoooos tu🤧🤧.Just tears I tell you😵.
You might wanna argue that Job from the Bible went through tougher circumstances but had it all wonderful at the end. And that there’s light at the end of the tunnel. But God, my faith is not even a tenth that of Job. Infact, I am already a struggling Christian with enough on my plate.And even before the day begins, I am already so tired of all these trials or whatever. Won’t you just lead us to rest. Even for just a moment? Because it’s too much bana🤧..too much. You’ve promised the weary to come unto you.. that you will give them rest…So how desperate must your children get for you to help them out God?
I know this is a serious post but wtf is happening to theses brows😂😂😂😂😂? What is this even?😂😂🤦🏽♀️
How about that faithful youth who entrusted you with her whole life.. didn’t go clubbing or live riotously, didn’t even engage in premarital sex, always did right by you, prayed so fervently about her future husband only to end up in an abusive home… with a husband that neither fears blood nor God? God, where were you? Can’t you just prove yourself strong for your children? Can’t you simply hear our prayers and grant us what we desire, because what is wrong with praying for a loving and God-fearing husband? Is that too much to ask of you? The non believers seem to get the best and happiest families. So explain to me. Help me understand 🤧.I know you cause the sun to shine on both the good and the evil. So why do your children seem to be missing out on the damn sunshine every time?
How about that orphaned young man who went through University with fee struggles and hardly any meals a day… just to end up jobless and hopeless? Can we also remind you that he is a faithful believer who has been praying for a job for days on end? And that he’s found many opportunities but they all require him to bribe a few hands? But he has constantly opted to use the right channels and pray instead? It’s so clear that he needs that job more than anyone else. So God, how desperate must he get for you to grant him just a kajob? Don’t you think these challenges meant to strengthen our faith are the same ones that totally weaken and finish us completely.. na si ati nini ama nini?
In Psalms 5:12 you promise to bless the righteous with favour and encompass them with a shield. You actually came through for the people of old.. The Israelites and all. When they repented of their sins, you heard them and answered. So what is it with us that you cannot help us? I know for sure that we are a rotten generation, that we’ve normalized a lot of sin and that we don’t deserve nothing from you. But God, if your anger against us were to last forever, we would all be lost for real.
God you are literally our HIGHEST HOPE and for most of us, You’re ALL we have. But if my highest hope seems so far away, a million miles along the street, then I am TRULY HOPELESS 🥺.
Loving Father, all we ask is that;
- You hear our prayers because your word tells us to ASK THAT WE MAY RECEIVE
- That you at least give us hope when we are hopeless because You’ve promised to GRANT US PEACE THAT SURPASSES HUMAN UNDERSTANDING
- That you give us that which we can handle because you’ve promised that YOU CANNOT TAKE US TO PLACES WHERE YOUR GRACE CANNOT SUSTAIN US
- That you prove yourself strong for your children because IF THE LORD BE FOR US, NO ONE CAN BE AGAINST US.
- That you calm our hearts even when all seems lost because YOU SEE THE END FROM THE BEGINNING AND BECAUSE YOUR WAYS ARE HIGHER THAN OURS
- That you be forever near us because YOU’VE BEEN OUR HELP IN AGES PAST AND YOU DEFINITELY ARE OUR HOPE FOR DAYS TO COME🥺🥺❤️.
- That you bless us because EVEN WHEN IT ALL DON’T BE WORKING OUT HOW WE WANT IT, WE WILL STILL TRUST IN YOU OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN!! (Not kidding at all)